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The Alice Blue Chronicles
© 2008 Renee Matthews-Jackson, All rights reserved

THE
ALICE BLUE CHRONICLES
Addiction & Recovery
Poetry & Short Stories
By Renee Matthews-Jackson
Alice Blue
she
kept them in her terry cloth robe pocket in purses she hadn't used in months concealing her lust for
their affect visiting physicians far east and west to cop
denial was the substance of her pain and grief
swallowed her whole in moments of distress dazed in a glassy haze she wandered in and out of reality's
realm
thinking her secret was safe as deception placed strong magnet to her darkest desires she'd
popped far too many today not remembering when the last one was downed
bedding herself on float of azure
world she smiled as afflictive life began to evaporate and yesterdays of grief channeled chipped scenes in
close quarters as flashes of false well-being sung beryl-blue melodies in death of silent song
hand-to-mouth existence
she wanted what
she wanted when she wanted it
finding her freakish fall into fetish foggy yet fanciful
masturbation
was not out of bounds
her johns became movie stars because that's how she wanted it
and when she
was handed a twenty she pretended it was five times that
there was no phallic symbol penis cock cunt
you call it unfamiliar to her not in the city
pass-me-around-alice and I’ll lick her clean
even
the second grade teacher school too close to the corner liked it raw rough leaving bruises mainly on her
firm ass-cheeks slapping hard as she rode
he could be tender too when she wanted it
the manager at publix's was
kind wanted to role play she wanted it would smirk wink even pout but played along sometimes it was
fun but there were times times of insanity bloodied walls tell those tales well enough
thin as a
thistle and tall as a tree she looked like death with a limp lipstick ruby colored outside lip lines
but
they'd call on her all night all day into the next
wearing her thinner in alleys killing her tangled
spirit
fingers tongues dick after dick every orifice filled to overflow
she wanted what
she wanted when she wanted it
selflessness (en route)
she
wasn't alice anymore eaves-dropping on memory lest she be reminded of such a haunt figured it was better to give lesser
demons hidden well in shadows entrance into new world, frightening should she have turned away stayed or run backward
to face sitting realities narcissism negates natural nuances of her nature nowadays eclipsed thoughts echo cries from
children somebody has to do it somebody has to
Aquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome
all
alice ever sought was love conjured jigsaw pieced-together questions; exact science needed to answer unrelated, as
situations may have been irrelevance eagerly took chances, and retribution misspelled her name repeatedly even when
hidden prospects secretly determined her destiny
innocence flowered in
quickened spurts mocking evidence seen (unseen) mimicking jejune persuasion until her doused appetite needed
the whet of familiar fetishes enigmatic orifices out rightly orphaned determined to weave a tempting twine waylaid
by words embrace bone of physical affection for to fill the smelly cavity of apathy is a force powerfully carved
from hollowed heart craving to be recollected, reserved in jars of elderberry preserves eating intensity, ease of
taste on tongue nurtured from sugary ferment on grandma’s polished shelves captured in the essence of a most fruitful
harvest yester-year jotting quiet
ink stains on vision's dream sexualizing;
a pastime used to manipulate youthful tongue experiences maturity before its time never without spontaneity, and compulsion
distinguished by measures of light readily ascending from places beyond dimension over blazing magenta horizons
and melodic, heavenly chipped cobblestones that heal every ailment with lofty reach, stretched smile, and a hearty
sigh
*Form - Acrostic
Lease and Release
An
imaginary chalk drawn line kept her on the acceptable side of sanity but insane notions played tag with her daily routine.
She had known the bliss of life, which sang success, and had once lived on mounds of financial stability. There was
a lack of true richness felt because nowhere to be found were morals that caution recognized. Throwing handfuls of chagrin
to winds of spontaneity, her soul rippled across waters that mixed fantasy with latter rain reality. Soft droplets of
showers dry enough to enjoy.
Alice lived and died in the smoky vapor of labored breaths. Continuous thoughts
that destiny had misspelled her name were grammatically incorrect, and in dire need of editing but she could not find her
quill, and thick oil wells of ink had long since dried up. Her only recourse; give way to angels and demons, because
she knew the greater good would be the final victor. Surrender was the resolve, and so, that is what she did.
Died and lived. Alice had chosen to say "uncle" to carry her through until the end. Breath now seemed unobtrusive.
A worn to the bone Alice accepted notions of finding a gram of peace instead of crack-cocaine, and finally exhaled.
Lease and
Release - II
She walked in slow motion
past vessels of chipped sculpture, searching for that void-filler we sometimes chase. Seeking to cement relationships
because without them we crumble into dust. And she knew what ash tasted like, knew the burnt flavor, and chalkiness.
There were few foreign tongue-teasers that could twist her need to scoff the spiritual lack she had befriended. April
was now gun hoe to float along with those embers of change she had heard whisper, and nudge secretly all her life. The
hole she sought to pack was self-induced and gaping.
Shadows cast streetlamp memories of brighter times. Fatigue
climbed like ivy over her grubby face. Chapped, and blistered lips trickled in red creases, numb, un-kissable…
Alice never cried. Not on the outside. Wasted body fluids. She settled herself with that idea in thought.
What did tears beget anyway? Just recently, her elder, get-high associate, reminded her; “even steel bends“.
Her reflection in the store window appeared as if her bones had been through the fire from then till now. A faint flash
of youthful reckoning passed before her eyes and the streetlamp right above her head went out. She smiled, and picked
up her waking pace as if she were on a mission.
pangs of conscience
She
never thought of the harm. Degradation looming in shadows; down-trodden refuse from past to present-- over and over,
revolving as the Earth turns.
Alice pandered her soul for a rock, wishing she had never met destiny. Curiosity's
embrace shrouded with need to know and a silent self-reproach paced to overwhelm...
Had she listened to those who
suffered before, she would have heard her predecessors state; "one is too many and a thousand is never enough". But
deaf ear blew smoke through brittle lungs with hefty sigh.
She scuffed her shoes in about face; looked back at
agony's second thoughts, and fell into the same colorless chasm. Permission freely given to remain in her cage of guilt
.
the rooms
after last night's rendezvous with relapse
i found myself
throwing stones from the overpass resistance unapproachable
yet i was released from those sacred bonds of misdemeanor
that made my rock pile diminish to ash and charcoal soot
smudged on my cheeks
i finally came to my senses reintroduced
myself saved my ass and forgot about that insecure
mask of facial salvation
lost &
found
on
her knees again but not in prayer except when the money runs out then, she prays to win the lottery so she can
get her next hit work her hand at a scheme get in where she fits in manipulate, debate, and loan herself to the
highest bidder body blanched and libido ignited flagging down cars to suck for dollars she feels the worthlessness of
her whorish behavior but knows only the numb of existence with thoughts of slitting her wrist to rid herself
of self yesterday's past harms always present
until one day a glimmer of light bites the bum of hope and
she cries out for help it comes as a step on the staircase of recovery she had to crawl to reach the landing alice
now lives in serenity and knows that a dozen steps complete the climb then, she must begin again knowing that
there was a better life (siting beside fear's shadow) than the one she thought would always be her yoke
Alice and Silence
Between the setting of the sun and the same sun's rising
with the next morn', Alice came unto herself. Within the wee hours of darkness her adrenaline rushed. She hungered
for the night, it was her life's blood. It was not as gloomy as some would think, it was not seething, nor did it bestow
great mystery on her psyche, eventide was her friend. Obscurity may have been the mode for many, but for Alice all was
well in the silence, and with the absence of light. Except for the neon signs in widows and the street lamps that blazed
making shadows on walls and sidewalks, the darkness engulfed her spirit. She detested natural sunlight, it was not her
nature to bathe in those hot rays.
This
night was different, there was something intense that had her anxious. Her dark soul was not as delighted by the presence
of this particular twilight, she could not mark time on the dimness of the moment. Silently she rose from her bed, took
her time ignoring night sounds, dressed in her Gothic clothing, patiently lacing her black combat boots, and placing her jet
lipstick perfectly onto thin lips. Alice made her self-ready for her midnight rendezvous with a lover that tilted her
consciousness to one side, his. There was hesitation as she left her dismal room, closing the door she sighed, hoping
that her clandestine meeting would ease the tension.
Placing her ebony hood from her cloak over her head to shield
herself from the winds of winter, Jillian strolled down The Avenue of Americas, New York's most traveled thoroughfare. Suddenly
she noticed that there was no traffic. This caused Alice to stop in her stride and look about frantically. The
quiet of the snowfall ended her frozen glaze quickly. Alice picked up the pace and hurried to her destination. She
finally reached her lover's apartment, as she raised her clinched fist to knock, a fierce gust from the blizzard's breath
blew the door open. Jillian felt queasy walking across the threshold. She made no noise, the room was still, motionless,
the silence was screaming at her. She removed her hood, and with curiosity wondered where he was.
Eight
and Then Some
They flirted for months, yes months before that first kiss,
and when they kissed... thousands of moments passed within seconds. The earth made a clanging, and the moon changed
phases in the eclipse of time. He was all she ever wanted, and this night he would be hers and hers alone. They looked
as deep into one another's eyes as souls could see. They were young and the intensity of romance, lust, and unbridled
commitment filled the room with the aroma of wildflowers.
He led her to his bed. Such a masculine structure
it was. Giant mahogany posts, a down-filled mattress, covered by an old fashioned raspberry colored quilt. Three steps led
to their paradise. Seating themselves on the edge, gazing once more into the others inwardness, he kissed her tenderly on
each ear lobe. Alice returned his kisses, lips gently caressing his wonderful face. He unloosened her blouse slowly,
taking what seemed like a lifetime to unbutton the tiny decorated buttons. Once flesh was exposed, he kissed all that
he could view. Slowly he undid her skirt, she rose to her feet, and the material fell to the floor. There, in her undergarments,
black panties and bra, warmth caused her body to flush. He stood a distance away and breathed in what he exclaimed as;
"pure, heavenly, artistic, beauty…". He made this statement seem like one word!
Alice tip toed over to
him, and raised his arms pulling, his shirt over his head, unsnapped his pants, as he stood stealth, trousers fell like they
had no weight, down to his ankles. He stepped out of them, picked them up and tossed them into a chair in the corner
of the room. His broad chest glimmered in the soft candlelight. He was such a breathtaking man. The urge to suck
him up, breathe him in, was evident. In his Jockey shorts, the same sign
appeared. He went to the nightstand, picked up the remote control, aimed it at his stereo and the most wondrous jazz
began to bellow from the speakers. He grabbed Alice by the hand and took her to the room’s most innermost center.
The two swayed to the dance, a nice slow dance to mellow music. She was lost in his world and he was ever so content
in hers.
The music ended as he led her back to the comfort of his bed. He gently laid her down, climbed and
nestled beside her, tracing his fingers over every curve on her hungry body. Her skin tingling with merriment, as his
forefinger slid it into silk panties, finding the warmth of her waiting wetness. He played in her garden for a spell,
then, slipped panties off.
With a swift abruptness, he turned her to her stomach, unclasped her matching bra and kissed
the bareness in the small of her back. Alice moaned with pleasure, for his lips
felt like so many tiny shards of crystal persuasion. He turned her back to face him, removed his shorts and began to
lick with slippery tongue from breast to breast. First slowly, then with the quickness of a rattlesnake. The feelings
that were evolving made Alice hurry to hold his wondrous rod between her lips. She slid her mouth on to the thickness of his
manhood and kissed it gingerly, then lapped a happy tongue about it feverishly. He groaned as if the planet had exploded
within his mind. She held him inside her moist mouth until he was ready to explode, as she slowly released his Good
bar.
The excitement of the hour was just beginning as he began to explore
her dark cavern once more. This time with abounding forceful thrusts, screams in muted notes of thankfulness, and panting
breath could not last at this rate. Finally, she felt him enter me with the measure of a great plow, and could not help
but yelp from pleasurable pain. He was enormous. Bigger than she had seen with her own eyes was his identity.
He filled her to the core, in and out, out and in, faster, with adulation, and motions of rushing tides when a tidal
wave hits the shore. They gyrated in unison, making the music of a wild house party, “jamming until the sun comes
up...” and shows itself in favorable applause, radiant and bright.
The couple burst into hot flames of passions
as one, then launched into space as a rocket reaching for planets unknown, and universes yet undiscovered. As this
sensual scene reached its climax, they became drenched in the warmth of a new day, and fell asleep in the morning after, with
bird songs on their lost minds. Alice had longed for this passion. This had been the first time since she became a prostitute to fulfill her crack habit that she had enjoyed
sex. There was no need for a hit tonight, she had already smoked her eight ball
to its highest form of emulsification.
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Copyright 2009 Renee Matthews-Jackson
All Rights Reserved
Reproduction of any kind
without consent of the writer
is prohibited.
Contact via email for permission
Performances For ALL Ocassions
Schedule a Tour (216) 280-0102
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